Tag Archives: Mom

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

If you haven’t noticed, it’s September.  You probably knew that though, by seeing the countless photos and posts about children going back to school accompanied by the photo of them standing, waiting for the bus.  This year, I did not take a picture of the Daughter’s first day of pre-K.  I don’t know if it counts.  God knows I have a million pictures of her and it’s not like she has stopped going to school.  She’s been going all summer long because I work.  I guess that’s why for me it wasn’t a huge deal that she was starting pre-K, aka preschool.

Preschool

It wasn’t a big deal until I realized that she was not going to be home during the day with me unless it was a vacation day or a sick day or I kept her out of school for the day.  Then, I oddly became overwhelmed with emotion.

When she was a baby, I missed her  while I was working  full-time but now that she can have conversations with me and we can do fun things together and we have had almost four years of me working part-time from home, I feel a little sad.  I know that this is a very important thing for her to go to and I know that she benefits greatly from being around her friends.  I just didn’t realize how fast these years would go by.  Yeah, it’s a little cliché – childhood going by in the blink of an eye, but it oddly does.

Now, I find myself realizing that we are at the very beginning of her official education, because honestly, pre-k is now what I grew up knowing kindergarten to be.  I am excited and anxious for my child all at once. I don’t want her to feel overwhelmed but I want her to do her best.  I loved school. I want to make sure she loved school.  I want her to think of school as a fun place to go and as a place full of adventures.  I want her to grow her brain, learn to think for herself, and realize that the world is amazing, full of amazing people and amazing things.

The funny thing is that I am realizing that I am now forced to really figure out more about myself.  I now have free time.  What do I do with that free time?  Going back for my Master’s degree is calling me.  Every day, I find myself searching through various programs, looking at course catalogs, and dreaming about back-to-school supplies.  I realize that I am on the precipice of a major life change.  Many women face this issue and I don’t know that they talk about it much. I  know that it does make it into the news but sometimes I don’t always feel I relate to those women.  I don’t think I’m “leaning in”  though I have to admit, I have not read the book.  Maybe I should?  I just know that I want to be around for my daughter and be able to be at school plays and take her to whatever extra-curricular activity she ends up selecting and at the same time, I want to have a career, something I love and am good at doing so that I feel like I am not wasting away.  I need to think and use my brain.  God gave it to me, I had better use it lest I have to answer for not using it.  I need to be engaged but I want to be able to be around for the Daughter whenever she needs me.  Yes, I want to have my cake and eat it too.

image credit: http://tidymom.net/2012/chocolate-frosted-yellow-cake/

mmmmmmmmmmmm….cake….
image credit: http://tidymom.net/2012/chocolate-frosted-yellow-cake/

What changes do I have to make to be able to do that?  I think step one is finding where to go to school and what exactly to study.  Meanwhile, I’m going to figure out where to place the preschool art gallery that will be slowly adding pieces over the next year. And I may just enjoy a day or two of not having to watch Super Why! or Bubble Guppies.

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Filed under Family, Tales of Parenthood

I Want my Mommy

Yesterday was an interesting day.  I spent the day doing my normal Thursday routine and then picked the Daughter up from school.  After that, the Husband and I had an appointment to go to.  That meant the Daughter got to spend some quality time with Nana, something she normally really enjoys.

Last night, it started with Whiney McWhinerton taking over my sweet adorable Daughter, a common thing on the nights where she stays up a little late.  We left with the Daughter whining about not wanting to go out for pizza.  Thinking nothing of it, knowing it would subside once they left the driveway, the Husband and I left for our appointment and came home.

When I asked the Daughter if she needed a Waaambulance, she actually laughed and thought it was funny...

When I asked the Daughter if she needed a Waaambulance, she actually laughed and thought it was funny…

When the Daughter came home, she was off the walls.  Hyper, excited, crying, tired, worked up, you know, the typical 4-year-old up a little past her bedtime behavior.

As we went through our bedtime routine, a few things happened that earned a few reminders to not launch herself from Mommy’s pillow toward the foot of the bed and potentially on the floor.  That in turn led to tears of the inconsolable variety. Which led to us cuddled up in her bed, reading a bed time story.

At the end of Pete the Cat I Love My White Shoes, I asked her what was wrong, because she was still whimpering a little.  Her first answer was a very sad sounding, “Nothing.”  I asked again, why was she so worked up tonight?

“Because I missed you today.  I didn’t see you really.  I just needed you.”

Those words hit me right in the feels.

I realized in that instant that I was even more in love with this little girl than I was a second before that.  I realized that I am her Mommy.  I’m the one who makes her feel safe, the same way my Mom makes me feel safe when I’m having a tough time of things.  It’s not the same now that I am adult, but my Mom is there to talk to, to listen, to laugh when I talk like a crazy person about the upcoming surgery.

mother

I think that for a lot of people, their Mom was that person who was a stable rock, even if they were struggling themselves with a million things!

I am grateful that I have my Mother with me still.  And this coming Mother’s Day is just one more day for me to remember how lucky I truly am to have the woman who raised me be an example of so many things.  After all, she just found out she passed her Statistics for Psychology class on her first shot (something not easily done from what I understand)!  I hope that those of you who have your Mom in your life pick up the phone and call (NOT TEXT!), drive over for a visit, or just plan on spending some time with the woman who raised you and provided you with all those years of security and comfort.

This post is written as part of the May NaBloPoMo.  The theme this month is Comfort.  Today’s prompt: Who do you like to see when you’re feeling uncomfortable who instantly makes you feel grounded?

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Filed under Family, NaBloPoMo