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What do I Want to Be When I Grow Up?

I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.  I don’t know that I will know any time soon either.  There are so many things that I thought I wanted to be when I grew up. A journalist sounded fun but for some reason, I didn’t pursue that one. Even for career day back in fourth grade, I didn’t really know what to dress up as and I kept changing my mind from lawyer to doctor to whatever else popped into my little 9 year old head.

That indecision carried on for quite some time.  I went off to college thinking that I would become a world traveler, an international business woman spending half my time between Paris and New York.  Then I took microeconomics for the Economics major.  Yeah, right.

Then I thought maybe I would get into the hotel world.  I did for a while and I liked it.  Then life began to happen to me, layoffs, job switches, a child.

I felt like my head had been spun around like a tilt-a-whirl and now it was time for me to get off the ride.

Then Friday happened.

I can’t stop thinking about the dreams of those who are now lost.  I can’t stop thinking about what they would have grown to become.  I look at my own daughter and find myself just sad.

I know that I want to be a compassionate person.  I know that I want to be loved and to give love.  I know that I want to know happiness and joy.  I know that I want to learn from the sorrow and grief.  I know that I want to work toward a better world for the Daughter.   I know that when I grow up, I want to show kindness, true kindness, to those I meet.  I know that when I grow up, I want to remember Friday and make it the event that keeps me cognoscente  of my loved ones and how important it is to tell them I love them.

I guess I do know what I want to be when I grow up, I just didn’t realize I knew.  It was never a profession.  It was to just grow up to be a good person.

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