Tag Archives: eating

Wasted Energy

There are times when I wish I didn’t have feelings.  I know it sounds odd.  But for someone who learned very early on in life to emotionally eat, feelings are still hard to process.  As I work on  my weight loss journey, it has made me realize that these emotions are the real causes of my eating.  I have said it many times before but it bears repeating.

I find certain emotions are worse than others.  When I’m bored, I will often be able to talk myself out of eating as a way to “amuse” myself.  It’s when I’m sad or angry that I end up having the real issues.  If I’m anxious, forget it.  There’s no stopping me short of locking the cabinets, fridge, and freezer!

At times I get sad about this and think “Why can’t I be normal and have a normal relationship with food?”  Lots of people make it through the day without having the urge to eat because they are nervous about bills getting paid on time or because they are upset that someone said something negative to them.  Normal people shrug it off, other people find they can’t eat during those times.  Why can’t I be one of those people.

This is where my energy gets wasted.  I end up going round and round in my head and end up making myself exhausted. It’s tiring to constantly be thinking about the whatifs and the could’ves.

Then, when I eat those emotions rather than feel them, I get angry with myself for giving in to the pattern.  It’s borderline insanity.  Ok, maybe not borderline.

This is the worst form of energy wasting.  This merry-go-round of emotions and eating.  If I could just re-train my brain to go for a walk or do some crunches when I feel those emotions, I will gain energy rather than continue to lose it.  But see, dear reader, this is where my neurosis kick in big time.  Will I replace my eating with exercise and go from one extreme to the other?  HAHA! Yeah – probably not, but do you see what I’m saying.

What is it that I’m so afraid to feel and allow myself to to just use my energy for more positive outcomes.  As I type this confession, dear reader, I realize that there are things that this blog has allowed me to work out and I thank you for bearing with me while I have these mini self-realizations.  One day it’s all going to click and I’m going to be able to just get everything where I need it to be!  Hopefully that day will be sometime before I’m 70 years old!

This blog is part of January 2013 NaBloPoMo. The theme this month is Energy.  Monday’s topic was “What emotion do you think is the biggest waste of energy and why?”  Even though I didn’t directly say it, I think I was trying to say guilt and anxiety were the most waste of energy.  What do you think?

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Healthy Me - Yay!, My Relationship with Food, NaBloPoMo

Confession Time: My Affair with Rolos

This week, I did not go to my weekly Weight Watcher’s meeting.  I knew it wasn’t going to be a good week and it was the first time in a LONG time that I did not want to see that scale number go up.  Let me rephrase that, I never want to see it go up but this week, I didn’t think I could handle it going up.  It would just upset me too much.

That would have been me last night had I gone to Weight Watchers.

I can hear you asking “How did you know it would be bad?”  I knew.  I tracked halfheartedly this week and when I did track, I was over.  I didn’t move as much as I should have and then there was Wednesday.  The Husband, thinking he was being kind and thoughtful, brought home a bag of Rolos.

Chocolate and Caramel in one delicious bite-sized candy = Bliss.

There is a time in every woman’s life when chocolate is necessary and a time when I crave it more than any other time.  Chocolate and salty foods – never fails.  I can mark my calendar as to when the craving will hit.  So the Husband heard me muttering about wanting some chocolate.  This was his attempt to help.  Now, I have been in Weight Watchers for almost 2 years.  I appreciate the fact that he thought of me, but why the bag? Why not just the little candy bar size?  Didn’t he realize that I have no will-power?  Didn’t he realize that I am most likely a food addict?  Didn’t he know that the bag would not last very long (which it didn’t)?

Now the trick is to minimize my shame over that fact.  Forgiveness is something I do not handle lightly.  I have been working on it as I make this journey.  Forgiveness is key.  If I cannot forgive myself when I make a mistake, I will never be able to succeed.  If I beat myself up over every Rolo I eat, then I will not succeed.  I am a master at guilting myself, convincing myself that it’s my fault.  Again, I could explain my past but that matter of sending you my therapy payment gets in the way every time, sorry.

Yeah – that was how I looked after throwing away the empty bag of Rolos.

So, the Rolos are gone.  Today has been good.  No processed foods.  No added sugars with the exception of my one cup of coffee this morning.  If the Rolos come back into the house, I will kindly ask the Husband to remove them or hide them.  They are not worth it.  Did I enjoy them?  Yes.  Did I enjoy what number the scale at home showed me?  No.  Were the Rolos, therefore, worth it?  Definitely not.

I am hoping that next week, I can report a loss.  I am hoping that next week, I will have not gone over any of my daily points allowances or gone over my calories one single day.  I am hoping that next week, I will have earned 14 activity points.  It’s the little things that make the biggest difference.  That being said, every day is a tracker day.  Every day is a good health guidelines day.  I cannot lose sight of that no matter what.  I know it sounds like a broken record but it’s important that I keep reminding myself of these things.  They seem like small steps to someone who has only a small amount to struggle with but for someone like me who is looking at losing a full-grown person – these small steps are crucial.  Talking about them is necessary.  Keeping them in my forefront is the only way I can ensure that my next snack or meal will be one that is on program.

There’s a quote someone on the Weight Watcher’s message boards used to share:

It’s time that I stick to my choice.

2 Comments

Filed under Food, Healthy Me - Yay!, My Relationship with Food, Uncategorized, Weight Loss