Yesterday was my birthday. I made it another 365 days. Hooray!
It never fails that I have a little alone time on my birthday and honestly, I’ve come to look forward to that alone time. If I don’t get it, I make sure I make it. Last night, it involved a little drive, blasting music in my car, and singing along as I drove around aimlessly looking at the beautiful houses, the pristine beaches at night, and just reflecting.
First, I realized I don’t know why driving is so cathartic for me. I don’t know that I care, I just know that it helps clear my mind and I really miss my clutch and stick shift. I miss it more than I ever realized I would miss it. This is the first car I have ever had that was an automatic. It’ s a nice car but it’s not complete. It’s missing that one element that makes driving fun. The countdown is now on for when I can get back into a car that has a clutch…roughly 1200 days.
Second, I have been facing down some serious decisions in life. Like the kind of decisions that keep you up at night wondering if your fairy godmother is hiding in the closet laughing her ass off at you. Being a grown-up is rough. It’s even more rough when there are small people, commonly referred to as children, that can be impacted in so many various ways by one [not so small] decision. Having almost 95% made up my mind, I think that I’m happy with the choice. No one ever tells you these choices are going to be this hard when you actually have to make them. Though it is possible that my choice is compounded by my obsessive need to think about every possible outcome. I have stopped and that might be why it’s easier for me to sleep at night with this decision. Only time will truly tell.
Third, I’m not giving up. My NaNo novel from 2012 is done…well the third re-write is done. I think I’m ready to write that query letter. I’m back into the full swing of WW. I strayed for a while which was not good but it’s in the past. I’m one step closer to that Daily Double – something I’m INSANELY proud of. I have my new list of goals. I have a new list of ideas. I have the old list that I’m still chipping away at. Over the next 365 days, I’m going to cross off at least four things from that list. Four.
Fourth, I’m lucky. I’m so incredibly lucky. I am alive. I have a family that loves me. I have a beautiful daughter who amazes me every day. I live in a beautiful place where I can see the ocean every day. I have a roof over my head. I have a job. I am relatively healthy (oddly enough and please knock on wood). All of these things are so often overlooked yet are the reasons why I am so incredibly lucky.
Another year is in front of me. Another year full of chances, opportunities, friendships, love, laughter, tears, and whatever else may come my way. I cannot wait to see what it brings.