Friends with Exes?

I’ll never forget the day my (not-yet) husband told me he was best friends with his ex.  I asked what he meant by best friend.  He said that he went to visit her every week and brought her coffee and they had chats and they knew everything about each other.  He said it so matter-of-factly that I was taken aback by it.

I had never heard of anything like it before.  We weren’t at the exclusive point yet but he wanted me to know so that I wouldn’t get nervous about it.  I appreciated the honesty of it but it was weird to me.  I had never heard of a guy staying friends with his ex unless he was getting a little more out of the friendship.  The Husband assured me that wasn’t the case and that I had nothing to worry about.  It was so hard to not be worried.  I was already someone low on trust and this kind of pushed me to my limit.  I decided to let it fly and see what happened.  I didn’t want to be a controlling freak, dictating who my husband could be friends with.

Then, the claws came out.  One day, I guess the friend was not happy that the Husband was spending so much time with me and resorted to calling me an Oompaloompa.

I do not think I look anything close to that...I am pasty white...

I do not think I look anything close to that…I am pasty white…

The Husband wasn’t thinking and told me of this conversation.  Needless to say, I lost it.  She hardly knew me.  I was convinced that she wanted the Husband back, now that she saw someone else wanted him.  I was ready to lay the smack-down (if I really was that kind of person).  I asked my husband to please think about what he told me about their conversations going forward.

As time went on, it was hard to forgive that comment for me.  When the Husband moved down to where I live, their friendship kind of waned.  Now he talks to her every so often, but he’s not buying her Christmas gifts and seeing her once a week and bringing her coffee.  I sometimes feel badly that it went that way, but I also would like to think I did not force the husband to choose.  To me that’s more important.

This post is part of the February 2013 NaBloPoMo.  This month’s theme is Love and Sex.  Today’s topic was “Do you remain friends with ex-boyfriends/girlfriends after you break up?”

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Friends with Exes?

  1. I really love that my husband is friends with his exes, because I am, too. I like that he gets feedback and opinions from women other than me. Mainly because they generally agree with me, and it lends my opinions a little more weight. 😛 In fact, I’ve gotten to be best friends with one of his exes.

    It’s a funny old world.

    In other news, I nominated you for the “Sunshine Award,” if you’d like to play along.
    http://myantidepressantlife.com/sunshine/

    • ClewisWrites

      I wish that were the case because like you said, it could ultimately help me out a little. Unfortunately she and I are so very different, I don’t think friendship for us is in the cards.

      Thank you for the nomination. I shall have to check it out!

  2. Well, she was disrespectful. That’s an absolute no-go (also a pretty dumb thing for her to do).

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