Confession Time: My Affair with Rolos

This week, I did not go to my weekly Weight Watcher’s meeting.  I knew it wasn’t going to be a good week and it was the first time in a LONG time that I did not want to see that scale number go up.  Let me rephrase that, I never want to see it go up but this week, I didn’t think I could handle it going up.  It would just upset me too much.

That would have been me last night had I gone to Weight Watchers.

I can hear you asking “How did you know it would be bad?”  I knew.  I tracked halfheartedly this week and when I did track, I was over.  I didn’t move as much as I should have and then there was Wednesday.  The Husband, thinking he was being kind and thoughtful, brought home a bag of Rolos.

Chocolate and Caramel in one delicious bite-sized candy = Bliss.

There is a time in every woman’s life when chocolate is necessary and a time when I crave it more than any other time.  Chocolate and salty foods – never fails.  I can mark my calendar as to when the craving will hit.  So the Husband heard me muttering about wanting some chocolate.  This was his attempt to help.  Now, I have been in Weight Watchers for almost 2 years.  I appreciate the fact that he thought of me, but why the bag? Why not just the little candy bar size?  Didn’t he realize that I have no will-power?  Didn’t he realize that I am most likely a food addict?  Didn’t he know that the bag would not last very long (which it didn’t)?

Now the trick is to minimize my shame over that fact.  Forgiveness is something I do not handle lightly.  I have been working on it as I make this journey.  Forgiveness is key.  If I cannot forgive myself when I make a mistake, I will never be able to succeed.  If I beat myself up over every Rolo I eat, then I will not succeed.  I am a master at guilting myself, convincing myself that it’s my fault.  Again, I could explain my past but that matter of sending you my therapy payment gets in the way every time, sorry.

Yeah – that was how I looked after throwing away the empty bag of Rolos.

So, the Rolos are gone.  Today has been good.  No processed foods.  No added sugars with the exception of my one cup of coffee this morning.  If the Rolos come back into the house, I will kindly ask the Husband to remove them or hide them.  They are not worth it.  Did I enjoy them?  Yes.  Did I enjoy what number the scale at home showed me?  No.  Were the Rolos, therefore, worth it?  Definitely not.

I am hoping that next week, I can report a loss.  I am hoping that next week, I will have not gone over any of my daily points allowances or gone over my calories one single day.  I am hoping that next week, I will have earned 14 activity points.  It’s the little things that make the biggest difference.  That being said, every day is a tracker day.  Every day is a good health guidelines day.  I cannot lose sight of that no matter what.  I know it sounds like a broken record but it’s important that I keep reminding myself of these things.  They seem like small steps to someone who has only a small amount to struggle with but for someone like me who is looking at losing a full-grown person – these small steps are crucial.  Talking about them is necessary.  Keeping them in my forefront is the only way I can ensure that my next snack or meal will be one that is on program.

There’s a quote someone on the Weight Watcher’s message boards used to share:

It’s time that I stick to my choice.

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2 Comments

Filed under Food, Healthy Me - Yay!, My Relationship with Food, Uncategorized, Weight Loss

2 responses to “Confession Time: My Affair with Rolos

  1. I too have had the same face that the dog in your post has had. Ah, the look of shame (and disgust). It was nice of the hubs to bring you chocolate, but I agree that a small roll would have been sufficient. Don’t feel bad because you know I too would have eaten the whole bag!

    As much as you hate to see the scale go up (and it happens sometimes, it’s okay), do you think it might have been good to just face the scale head on? Afterall, the scale is what you fear, no? I’m just playing devil’s advocate here. Perhaps crying it out might have been good? I don’t know…just wondering if there is a benefit to weighing in anyway.

    Either way, you have our love and support! It’s not an easy journey. Getting on the scale after a gain is an even more difficult journey. But, you can do it; afterall, you ARE doing it!

    • ClewisWrites

      Thanks lady! 🙂

      I don’t think this week facing the scale would have helped. I don’t have a hard time going back after skipping a week though to be honest. I kind of look forward to it. I stepped on the home scale if it’s any help. I just didn’t want to see that number in my WW log. It’s a weird game I play. But today was 100% OP which was good and tomorrow I have my plan in place.

      I just am going to keep moving more and as Dory says “just keep swimming!”

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