This week, I did not go to my weekly Weight Watcher’s meeting. I knew it wasn’t going to be a good week and it was the first time in a LONG time that I did not want to see that scale number go up. Let me rephrase that, I never want to see it go up but this week, I didn’t think I could handle it going up. It would just upset me too much.
I can hear you asking “How did you know it would be bad?” I knew. I tracked halfheartedly this week and when I did track, I was over. I didn’t move as much as I should have and then there was Wednesday. The Husband, thinking he was being kind and thoughtful, brought home a bag of Rolos.
There is a time in every woman’s life when chocolate is necessary and a time when I crave it more than any other time. Chocolate and salty foods – never fails. I can mark my calendar as to when the craving will hit. So the Husband heard me muttering about wanting some chocolate. This was his attempt to help. Now, I have been in Weight Watchers for almost 2 years. I appreciate the fact that he thought of me, but why the bag? Why not just the little candy bar size? Didn’t he realize that I have no will-power? Didn’t he realize that I am most likely a food addict? Didn’t he know that the bag would not last very long (which it didn’t)?
Now the trick is to minimize my shame over that fact. Forgiveness is something I do not handle lightly. I have been working on it as I make this journey. Forgiveness is key. If I cannot forgive myself when I make a mistake, I will never be able to succeed. If I beat myself up over every Rolo I eat, then I will not succeed. I am a master at guilting myself, convincing myself that it’s my fault. Again, I could explain my past but that matter of sending you my therapy payment gets in the way every time, sorry.
So, the Rolos are gone. Today has been good. No processed foods. No added sugars with the exception of my one cup of coffee this morning. If the Rolos come back into the house, I will kindly ask the Husband to remove them or hide them. They are not worth it. Did I enjoy them? Yes. Did I enjoy what number the scale at home showed me? No. Were the Rolos, therefore, worth it? Definitely not.
I am hoping that next week, I can report a loss. I am hoping that next week, I will have not gone over any of my daily points allowances or gone over my calories one single day. I am hoping that next week, I will have earned 14 activity points. It’s the little things that make the biggest difference. That being said, every day is a tracker day. Every day is a good health guidelines day. I cannot lose sight of that no matter what. I know it sounds like a broken record but it’s important that I keep reminding myself of these things. They seem like small steps to someone who has only a small amount to struggle with but for someone like me who is looking at losing a full-grown person – these small steps are crucial. Talking about them is necessary. Keeping them in my forefront is the only way I can ensure that my next snack or meal will be one that is on program.
There’s a quote someone on the Weight Watcher’s message boards used to share:
It’s time that I stick to my choice.