Yesterday was a good day. I had my second post-op appointment. It went very well. Everything looks like it’s healing properly which was music to my hypochondriac ears. The surgeon then got to the topic of my weight loss. Thankfully, he was not of those surgeons that pushes Weight Loss Surgery. He easily could have done the whole lap-band while he was taking the gallbladder out but it was not something he even brought up. I don’t know if it’s because since day one, I told him I’ve been doing Weight Watchers but he just didn’t bring it up.
I told him how six days after surgery, I lost 7 lbs. Then the following week, I had gained back 1.4. Oddly, I wasn’t upset by it. I knew that after a super big loss, I tend to gain a little the next week. He agreed that the gain was good. He reminded me that the loss was an unhealthy loss and that I should gain a little back and then start losing again. By a little, I think tonight’s .2 gain was in line with that.
I did not feel badly about my gain tonight. I know that I have one more week of mild activity before I ramp it up. I am counting the days!
Tonight though, I did have the points plus left over and really all summer had been dying to have some fish and chips. I was a little nervous to eat it because it’s fried and I had heard that for some people the fried foods didn’t really work very well after having the gallbladder removed. It smelled delicious.
After a while of not eating something, you build it up in your head. You imagine the first bite, you think about how good it’s going to taste. Or maybe that just me? Either way, I took that first bite and felt that it was good. Though half way through the filet, I realized it wasn’t as good as I thought it would be. It wasn’t as good as the barramundi we had two weeks ago. It wasn’t as good as the Arctic Char that we cook. It wasn’t as good as the non-fried stuff. I don’t know why, but I was a little sad. I loved fish and chips. I guess the key word is “loved.”
It was a really big moment for me. What if everything I have gone so long without eating no longer is good to me. Would that be a bad thing? Probably not. Would I be missing anything? No. Will I gain weight back if I go back to eating those foods like I did before? Most likely.
So why did I feel slightly dismayed? After all it’s just food. Part of this whole process for someone like me who developed a relationship with food that was not normal, is to re-learn that relationship. Food is fuel. Food is not comfort. Food is not socializing. Food is not something for when I’m bored. Food does not make me feel better. Food is fuel. Food is nutrition. Food is supposed to help make me healthy.
After this little brain storm this evening, I am understanding more. I am realizing that I am slowly making the changes I need to make in order to make this a lasting lifestyle. It’s slow but it’s progress.
Tomorrow starts a new WW week. Tomorrow starts a new slate. Tomorrow starts one more step toward the person who is inside me just itching to see the light of day.