I was anxious to go to Weight Watchers this week. I had my surgery a week ago. I had gained a week ago. I was pumped full of gas and drugs and was not really too active in the days following surgery. I didn’t eat for three days because of the procedure. I wanted to see what the scale would say after a week of fun like that.
I was happily rewarded with a 7 pound loss. SEVEN! That meant a lot of things for me.
First, I lost one of my WW daily Points Plus Points. I now get 44 PP per day. That’s a lot but as long as it keeps going down, it means I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. 44 PP is still enough for me to eat more than enough food. 44 PP is enough for me to still not even consider using my weekly Points allowance or any earned activity Points (when I am cleared to start exercising more). 44 Points is almost twice what a normal sized “overweight” person gets. Hooray! I’m getting closer to that 29 PP daily target!
Secondly, I am in a new decade. I’m only 10 lbs away from what I weighed in high school which sadly was also ridiculously huge. I don’t live in a little dream world and sadly, I never have. When I can get to that weight that I remember Mrs. O’B recording on that fateful day in gym class, that weight that I had to pretend not to be on the verge of tears over, I will be officially in Virgin Fat Territory, or VFT (a WW term that some people use to describe the lowest weight they can remember being in their adult life). I don’t know why I stick with that weight. Maybe because it’s when I should have changed it all before it got so much more out of hand? Maybe it’s because that’s when I was really just having all kinds of identity issues? Oh wait, no, I’m confusing that last one with just plain old being in High School. No, I think it’s just the number that embarrassed me the most. No one should have that number in high school. Yes, I know that some people I went to high school with may be reading this right now. Hopefully, you were one of the nice people and didn’t make too much fun of me for being so ridiculously fat. If you did make fun of me, I forgive you. If you didn’t make fun of me and just thought I was a bitch, sorry. I just had a lot going on and was way too wrapped up in my own head trying to deal with the fact that I was just not someone who “fit in” the way I wanted to “fit in.” I could explain the vicious cycle of it all but then I would feel compelled to mail you a small check as a therapy payment. God help me if and when my own daughter gets to that stage in life…but I digress.
Thirdly, I am only 1.2 pounds away from the ever-elusive first 50 pounds lost! It has been slow. I have had to remind myself that I didn’t gain the weight over night, it’s not going to come off overnight. I haven’t given up on WW either. This is the longest I have ever committed to it. I have also seen some lasting changes in the choices I make which is another amazing victory unto itself. The first leg of the journey will be marked by that 50 lb loss. I still will have a ridiculously long way to go but I’m hoping that crossing that magic 50, a number I have never been able to hit will be good motivation for me to keep pushing to the second 50. I know it will be. It has to be because I’m tired of it and that is reason enough to keep moving forward.
These things are kind of personal on a level that I didn’t originally intend to blog about but now that it’s out there, I feel like it will help me be more accountable. As if an army of readers (yes, I pretend I have an army of readers, it makes me feel better) will help me stay on track. I have my other list of reasons to keep moving forward stuck in various places so that every now and then I see them and I remember what I’m doing.
Hopefully in one week, I’ll be posting a picture of my little 50 lb WW charm. It will be glorious!